Friday, June 14, 2013

Father's Day without Daddy

A huge first is careening down the road; the first Father’s Day without Daddy. Still doesn't penetrate, doesn't seem real, doesn't register.  I no longer have a dad to celebrate with.

My favourite picture of Dad & I

It will be so hard to escape the loving moments I'll see around me on that day and not want to hole my self up in my room to avoid the feeling I know is going to make me sad.

Ontario Place - He was always making us laugh

I close my eyes every time I walk by a card rack. Because there they all are:
  • "To the Best Father in the World!"
  • "Dad, You're the Greatest!"
  • And, of course, "Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you!"

Dad loved those funny SHOEBOX cards at Hallmark, he got a good laugh from them.  So while I'm happy for all those families that are celebrating this Sunday, as they should be - I can't help but be a little melancholy. 

Daddy and his princesses
I still have moments where I forget for a split second that he's gone. This past Wednesday on the subway I thought I saw him running for the train and I was about to yell out for him to hurry, but caught myself midway as I opened my mouth and thought "wait that's not him, Dad's not here that's just a guy wearing a similar jacket and knapsack" and the tears began well up in my eyes and down my cheeks.  

top photo 2010
bottom last family photo 2013

After my Dad passed away, I dealt with the grief by running and talking to him.  It's definitely helped keep me sane and avoid going down that dark path.  

I miss his beautiful smile
Daddy you are missed and loved so deeply.  You were an amazing Dad, my best friend, the most hilarious person I've known, and the best singer :).  I’m going to miss chatting about latest shows, movies, and current events.  I’m going to miss your funny emails.  I’m going to miss your big hugs and yummy experimental cooking  But most of all I’m going to miss hearing you say, “I love you sweetie”, and I hope you know how much I love you. 

Happy Father's Day to all the men who, day in and day out, are watchful of what's going on in the lives of their children. Who encourage them to follow their dreams. Who truly enjoy their company. And who, when they are gone, leave their children with memories to last a lifetime.


  1. You're so strong. I know you'll get through Father's Day and your dad would be so proud of you!

  2. Very Beautiful!! hang in there